


Hatred

by foppishaplomb



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 14:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8213125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foppishaplomb/pseuds/foppishaplomb
Summary: Down in the depths, back in the darkness, things should have been the same. Jasper’s screams in Lapis’s mind felt the same. The power felt the same. So why wasn't it the same?





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [illictic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/illictic/gifts).



> au where jasper followed lapis to the barn.

Peridot’s little gem glittered between Jasper’s thick fingers. She would only have had to squeeze to shatter it. “Fuse with me.”

“Put her down.” Part of Lapis knew that she was stronger than Jasper was. Part of her felt the water in the pool outside, and was already planning how to take back Peridot’s gem and blow Jasper back to wherever she came from. She had done it before.

But Jasper had come into _their_ home and hurt _her_ friend. The rest of her wanted to take the excuse.

“I can’t risk it,” she said softly. She couldn’t get Peridot shattered, could she?

“There’s no risk,” said Jasper. She half-laughed, desperation creeping into her husky voice. “I told you. It will be different this time. I’m different. We’re different.”

Lapis narrowed her eyes. She wasn’t talking to her. “What’s different about this?” she hissed. “It’s just like you tried to do to Steven.”

“Only so we can be together,” Jasper pleaded. She dropped down to one knee and stretched out the hand Peridot’s gem was clutched in. “She was only getting in the way. Please. Just you and me again. We can be strong.”

Disgust burned in the back of Lapis’s throat. She felt sick, like she had eaten earth food, but the feeling was somehow comforting. It burned in the same way it had felt to be Malachite for all that time, familiar pain, burning off all the rough edges and narrowing the world down to only one thing. Hatred.

The supposedly ‘perfect’ quartz looked so pathetic, begging on her knees for a stronger gem to pity her. Hurting weak little Peridot just to feel stronger than someone. Lapis _hated_ Jasper.

“Fine,” she said. She grasped Jasper’s hand, covering Peridot’s gem with her own small palm. She dug her nails into Jasper’s skin. It couldn’t have hurt her, but Jasper’s face melted into pitiful relief. “If you want to fuse, let’s _fuse._ ”

There was hardly a dance at all. One moment they were separate, then they were one. Like being born. One moment Malachite didn’t exist, and then she did. After all that time trapped together, it felt so right to be one again. A missing piece filled in. Lapis screamed, and Malachite roared. She clawed at herself. It hurt in all the right ways.

_Strong._ Malachite felt it with every pulse of power that went through her gems. She looked down. Peridot’s gem was so tiny in Malachite’s massive hand. Barely even visible if the light weren’t hitting it. She could crush it or she could keep it to herself. All of the power was hers. But Peridot could reform at any minute, and… what would she think if she saw this?

Guilt tugged at Lapis’s gem. Thinking hastily, Malachite bubbled the little gem, pushing the feeling away and keeping Jasper and Lapis on the same level. She wasn’t risking falling apart again. She was strong. She was in control. She was  _Malachite_.

And she didn’t know what to do. There was no rage binding them. There was no one to hurt or to fight. She felt lost, and… alone. The way no fusion ever should. She could feel herself falling apart.

Malachite took Peridot’s bubble and returned to the sea, the place where she had been born to go. The pressure of the ocean would keep them bound together. Lapis wanted to hurt her, but this time Jasper didn’t want to leave. Without anger and hatred binding them, what was there to keep them together but the sea?

Down in the depths, back in the darkness, things should have been the same. Jasper’s screams in Lapis’s mind felt the same. The power felt the same. But now that they weren’t fighting, struggling to stay together, it was harder than ever to stay fused. What was different? Why weren’t they as strong as when they nearly destroyed Alexandrite? Why did Lapis keep holding back?

Why wasn’t it the same? Malachite screamed her own name, _Malachite,_ the sound disappearing into bubbles that rose up and disappeared in the endless water above them. She pounded her fists into the sand. It gave way too easily under her might. It should have been satisfying. Why wasn’t it the _same_?

The tiny shimmer of a little teal bubble was the only light down here to catch Malachite’s eyes. Peridot was here. That was the only thing different. It had to be. She had to get rid of her. She popped the bubble and let the tiny green gem drift down into the sand. She wanted to crack it. She wanted to put it between her teeth and grind it to green dust. With it shattered, there wouldn’t be anything keeping them apart anymore. Malachite would be back. And she would be more powerful than ever.

But she didn’t.

It gave Malachite something to focus on. Something that would keep them from thinking long enough to fall apart.

When Peridot finally reformed, Malachite didn’t move except to squeeze her fist tighter, the muscle memory of poofing her in the first place. The flash of pure green light died back down into the endless darkness of the sea, but Malachite was no longer alone.

“Wh,” came Peridot’s reedy little voice. “Wait, what—huh? Why am I underwater? Lapis…? Lapis, are you okay? Are you here?”

Malachite still didn’t move. The green light from Peridot’s gem flickered on, first illuminating nothing but the empty expanse of bubbles that was the bottom of the sea. Peridot swiveled her head around, searching.

“Laa—aaaa—aapiii—oh my _stars._ ”

The green light was in Malachite’s eyes. It was so small. Just a tiny pinprick in the dark, like the sea. Peridot’s face twisted in horror and fear. Malachite smiled, showing off her sharp, powerful teeth. let her own gems glow, lighting herself in lovely, vibrant teal. Malachite’s color. What she was meant to be.

“Malachite,” Peridot gasped. Tears formed in her wide, terrified eyes and dissipated into the ocean around them.

“Peridot,” Malachite rumbled, like a purr the size of a mountain. Yes, that was what she needed. Someone to see her. Someone to acknowledge that Malachite was real again, and that she was terrifying, and that she was _powerful._ She moved closer, curling her mutated body around Peridot like a wall that kept her from swimming away.

Peridot didn’t try to. She stumbled back and tripped over her feet, falling back into the sand. She stared up at Malachite and suddenly groaned loudly, pounding her fist on the sand. “Ugh! You weren’t supposed to do this again, Lapis!”

Annoyance? Malachite hissed, narrowing all four of her eyes at the tiny gem. She was helpless. _Weak._ She didn’t have any right to talk to Malachite that way.

Peridot glared at Malachite for a moment before tears began to well up again and swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, sniffling. “Come on, Lapis. You said you didn’t want to. You said you weren’t going to be that person anymore. You’re _way_ stronger than Jasper! You didn’t need to do this!”

Malachite reeled back like she was hit. She didn’t know what else to do, so she roared. It shook the water around them like an earthquake, bubbles forming and disappearing like one of Steven’s fizzy drinks. But why did Malachite know what that looked like? Shouldn’t only Lapis know?

Peridot yelped and terror flashed across her face for one brief, delightful little moment, but it was over too soon. She struggled to her feet, shaking. “Look, I'm—I’m not mad at you. You just messed up, okay? I mess up a lot too. We’re both still learning.” She took a deep breath, stared at Malachite for a second, and puffed up her chest, pointing right at Malachite’s face. “But Garnet taught me that fusion is about trust. And—and understanding, and love. Percy and Pierre!”

Malachite chuckled. It made the sand shudder under Peridot’s feet. She flinched. Why did the chuckle die in Malachite’s throat?

“T-That’s not what you are,” Peridot pushed on, stammering. She was so frightened. Why didn’t she stop? She should have just ran. Left the both of them to be a monster together. “Lapis told me so. Malachite is about hate. R-Remember, Lapis? Steven taught us. We don’t need to hate each other.”

“Get out of here,” Malachite growled. She had tried to keep her voice low, but when she was so powerful, such a monster, she might as well have been screaming. All the better for it. Maybe it would finally scare Peridot out of here.

Peridot coughed. “No. Look. L-listen. You’re not _just_ Lapis, b-but…” She scurried over, hesitantly, and held out her tiny hand to touch Malachite’s. It was so small, it didn’t even cover one of Malachite’s fingertips. “I don’t know about Malachite, but I trust Lapis. S-She’s my friend. We made meep morp together.” She used both her little hands to grip Malachite’s fingertip. She was blushing. “L-Let me fuse with you, too.”

Malachite was too stunned to reply. “You’ll be, uh, m-more powerful that way,” Peridot insisted. “The more gems in a fusion, the stronger you are.”

“ _Yes,_ ” hissed Malachite. “ _No,_ ” she shouted. No, no, no! Peridot wouldn’t be a part of this. She was an innocent. Lapis wouldn’t bring her into this. Jasper didn’t care about her like Jasper cared about Lapis. Lapis did this to _protect_ her. Peridot didn’t deserve to suffer like they did! “ _No!_ ” Malachite screamed, and she screamed, and she screamed until it wasn’t words anymore and the entire ocean trembled around them.

And somehow, that was it. Malachite was gone. It was Lapis and Jasper again, flung in two different directions, Jasper’s orange light flying out of sight. Peridot caught Lapis’s hand before she could lose herself as well, and pulled her into a hug. “Lapis!”

Lapis was tired, and ashamed, and empty once again, but she held Peridot back. Even though she had said no, part of her had still believed going back to Malachite would give her closure. She had been wrong. Lapis felt emptier than ever. “I’m sorry, Peridot.”

“I am _so_ glad I didn’t have to fuse with that thing,” Peridot gushed, face buried in Lapis’s stomach. “Uh, no offense. But that was terrifying.”

“I made a mistake,” said Lapis, half-smiling. It hurt her face.

“You did,” Peridot agreed, matter-of-fact, as she pulled away. She kept her hand on Lapis’s arm. Lapis was taken aback, but Peridot continued, “Going back down here, I mean. Ugh, it’s so dark! And… wet. And heavy. I feel worse about the pool thing now. I see why you called it a tomb.”

“The pool isn’t that bad,” said Lapis. She smiled a little more now, and it felt genuine. She wanted to go after Jasper. It was all she could think about. She couldn’t let herself.

She knew Jasper couldn’t be far away. It hurt deep in her gem to leave her here. They were Malachite again. Even though it had been wrong, she missed the way it had felt the first time more than ever. They could have figured it out. They could have fixed it.

But they shouldn’t.

But she wanted to more than ever.

Lapis took Peridot’s hand and formed her wings. “Let’s go back to the barn.”  _Before I make a worse mistake._


End file.
